Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
BRING THE BAGELS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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