It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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