we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
