my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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