seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
