you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
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