We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
