i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
