party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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