I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
