its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
