Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
