Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
