Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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