is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
