I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
