sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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