she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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