he thought i was a dude.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
