Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
