OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
