My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
