I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
