I accidentally had phone sex last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
