imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
