So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
