it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
