his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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