he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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