I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
