i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
