Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
