Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
