May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
