i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
