Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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