what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I understand Curling. That high.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
