do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
