she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
