At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is Oprah even human
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
