I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
