I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
