Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
