Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
