i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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