Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.

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(323): View more from California

Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?

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(661): View more from California

He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!

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(810): View more from Michigan

I wanna throw up and cum in that order

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.

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(716): View more from New York

it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?

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(269): View more from Michigan

I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.

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