Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
