"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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