i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We're too hungover to prance.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
