She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
